LoreleiJames.com

I love his lips and the look of heat in his eye…and his chest ain’t bad either

Hat tip to Renee B. for sending this to me:

As a Mom passes her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within.

Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked: What in the world are you doing?’

The daughter replied: ‘Mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband! Please, go away and leave me alone.’

The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: ‘Dad I’m thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.’

A couple days later, Mom came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room.She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked: ‘What the hell are you doing?’

The husband replied: ‘I’m watching football with my son-in-law.’

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This guy is a little meatier, happy now?

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded.

‘I can’t lie to you,’ he replied, ‘I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.’

She looked down at his shoes and said:

‘You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!’