My dad, a military man, sent this joke to me 🙂
The Marines found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer, a Colonel, who believed himself to be the smartest one in the room asked to be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer, a Major, who thought he was a little smarter than the Colonel, asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Gunnery Sergeant who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, “From the tip of my penis to my testicles.”
The pension man suggested he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received.
But the old gunny insisted, and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Gunny to ‘drop ’em.’ The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Gunny’s penis and began to work back. “Dear Lord!” he exclaimed. ”Where are your testicles?”
The old Gunny calmly replied, ” Vietnam. ”